


The Hot Guy Conundrum

by MissYingYangKay



Series: YYK's Hetalia Crossovers [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers, The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Cute America (Hetalia), F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gen, I'm procrastinating, Jealous Leonard, Swearing, The Author Regrets Nothing, weird idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:40:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27310594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissYingYangKay/pseuds/MissYingYangKay
Summary: “Oou, hot guy coming in…” Bernie whispered as she walked past the bar with an impish little grin, not even stopping before she was back making rounds to clean around.The guy Penny then saw was indeed hot.
Relationships: America (Hetalia)/Penny (Big Bang Theory), Don't Think About It - Relationship, Yes really - Relationship
Series: YYK's Hetalia Crossovers [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898467
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	The Hot Guy Conundrum

**Author's Note:**

> I have work with a deadline, and another fic I should be prioritizing here, but I edited this instead.
> 
> Don't ask why I did this.
> 
> I had this idea years ago, wrote it, then forgot about it. It's been sitting in my computer for a while so I decided to edit it a little and just upload it already.
> 
> I know all the problems people have with TBBT (I tune out the laugh-tracks as much as I can), but I can't help it, it's my guilty pleasure and I have a soft spot for these characters. X3

Penny wasn’t having a good day.

Not that she had a ‘good day’ in a while. Her life has been a wreck for a while now and she’s not happy with how her mood crashed and burned so quickly today.

_So._

_Leonard is already sleeping with someone else._

They haven’t broken up long ago. It was, in fact, just a little more than a week.

But, he was already _over_ her, it seemed. How _nice…!_

Her thoughts were angry, but she used the basic task of tending to a bar to distract herself. It’s better than taking orders, at least. If she let herself think, things would go downhill _fast._

 _She didn’t want to think how her first time dating someone_ **_different_ ** _went horribly wrong. Nope. Definitely not._

She got standard cattiness from Bernie, of course. _“So Leonard went with this Plimpton bimbo? That was quick.” She’d snipped._

But Penny didn’t want to think about Leonard, or that ‘bimbo’, as Bernie called her.

Penny didn’t care. Leonard could do whatever he wanted. They weren’t dating anymore. Penny herself ended it. So why should she care?

She didn’t care about him and Dr. Slut-bunny.

Nuh-uh.

_Oh well, if Leonard will just go and jump in bed with the first woman who opens her legs to him, then fine. Penny can play this game just as easily._

Next destination after work, a cute dress and _a clubhouse._

_That’ll show him. Ha._

“Oou, hot guy coming in…” Bernie whispered as she walked past the bar with an impish little grin, not even stopping before she was back making rounds to clean around.

The guy Penny then saw was indeed hot. Just the type she usually dated, tall, strong, well-dressed like a normal person and with a cap, a cute blond with pretty blue eyes fixated on an expensive-looking phone.

When he sat by the bar and she approached to get his order, he didn’t even look up at her. “Just some whiskey.” He’s focused on the phone, and Penny huffed quietly in disappointment.

She placed a glass in front of him and filled it. Hot-guy still didn’t look at her, but after one sip, he grimaced. “Nope…” Then reached for the whole bottle, sipping straight from it while glaring at his phone on the counter.

 _Ah, a kindred soul there…_ From what she could spy with her little eye, he seemed to be texting someone, finger tapping next to it impatiently.

But his disinterest in anything besides that was clear, and so Penny turned to her job again. That is, pretending to be busy…

Except, within a few seconds, hot-guy took a _long_ sip from the bottle. And it kept going. And _going._

Penny watched, wide-eyed, until the bottle is empty, when it’s placed back on the counter with a loud _thud._

And hot-guy exhaled heavily, and then looked at her, lifting the bottle. “Give me another.” And goddamn, his eyes are _so_ blue…

And Penny did just that. “Holy shit, dude…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know…” With this one, he went a little slower. “Shitty people being shitty makes you want a drink.”

And he kept drinking. Penny could sympathize with that sentiment, and she sighed, suddenly wanting a drink too. She shrugged and covertly served herself a shot. “Well, I know _that_ feeling…” She drawled.

Hot guy just hummed in response, and sipped that whole bottle too.

Then, he lifted it to her, a smile that was so clearly tipsy – oh, wait. “Another…??” She asked, in total disbelief.

“Yep.” Dude nodded and didn’t even blink at the question.

“You can’t drink a _third_ bottle of whiskey, you’ll poison yourself. Then that’s on _me.”_ Penny frowned angrily.

Hot-guy scoffed. “Oh, please…” He sat the bottle on the counter, lolling it under his palm. “I’ll need a lot more than _three_ _bottles_ to poison myself. I’m not even _drunk_ yet.”

“I don’t believe you??” Penny grimaced with a grin. She’s feeling more awed disbelief than anything, and it made her want to laugh. “You drank two bottles in less than 30 minutes. You _are_ probably drunk.”

Hot-guy smirked. “Really?” And he flipped the empty bottle in one hand easily, balancing it on one finger, before flipping it again to place it down softly.

Penny stared.

Hot-guy’s smirk widened. “Like I said, not drunk. Another bottle, please. I’ll pay extra, and you can get a shot out of it too, if you want.”

Penny slowly moved to get a third bottle, giving the guy an odd, amused looks. “You an alien or something?” She couldn’t help but joke.

“Nope. I’m Captain America.” He stated seriously, serving her a glass before taking the rest of the bottle for himself.

“Well, you _do_ look like Chris Evans.” Penny went along with it.

“Pff, I’m _way_ better than that guy. Silver Age got nothing on me, much less the Big Screen one.”

“What about… Golden Age…?” She hated that she knew this… Leonard’s fault…

“Eeeh, he _did_ punch Hitler, and I can’t brag about _that,_ so…” He shrugged helplessly.

 _Oh, no…_ “You like comic-books…?” For some reason, that caught her attention more than his tipsy swagger.

“Yeah, they’re cool.” He shrugged again, now more at ease, seemingly not very concerned about having a taste for something _nerdy…_

_He doesn’t look like a nerd, at all…? He looks like a typical jock… doesn’t quite sound like the usual jock she’s dated, but… he doesn’t sound like Leonard or any of the guys either…_

The third bottle was soon empty again, within 5 minutes. “Another.” He demanded with a manic grin.

“No way.” Penny shook her head. “You’re pushing it.”

Hot-guy rolled his eyes with a sigh. “Okay, how about a bet?”

“Hmm…” Penny pretended to think about it. “Lay it on me.” She’d play along.

“I’ll have another bottle, aaaand… if I actually look and sound drunk after it, you can have _all_ the money in my wallet.” He grinned, leaning on the counter.

“Define ‘drunk’.” She challenged.

“Slurring, staggering, or getting drowsy, the usual stuff.”

Well, he sure was ready for that one. Clearly, he’s done this before…

He didn’t look or sound drunk at the moment, just slightly tipsy… “And how much is that?” Free money, though…

Hot-guy tapped the counter a few times with a wide, perfect grin, before pulling his wallet from inside his jacket.

Penny’s eyes widened when he flashed a pretty fat stack of cash in it.

_Oh, fuck! He’s filthy rich!!_

Penny handed him another bottle with no further preamble.

He’ll crash eventually, right? There’s no way he can keep going with no effects and then actually _die_ of alcohol poisoning! So therefore, _free money!_

“Why are you drinking so much anyway?”

“There’s some people I _hate_ at the moment.” _Still not really drunk, but maybe a little tipsier than before…?_ “And they’d be _so_ _mad_ if they knew I’m drinking this much!”

“Your parents?” He looked, what, 22? Just a little younger than her, then…?

“Ha! Nah, just some pricks I work for. Fuck them!”

_…And there goes the fourth._

“Give me another.”

 _Then it goes the fifth,_ and Penny was starting to question, a little more seriously, whether this guy was actually _Captain America…_

Then the sixth… and oh, there it was… He was actually feeling it now. _Wow…_

One would think they should stop while they were still in the lead, but nope. A drunk is a drunk, and there he went, betting his money _again_ because he _felt_ like he was still okay.

The seventh bottle was basically empty, and hot-guy is almost asleep, although he sure looked happier and calmer than before.

Penny was slightly tipsy and also _2000_ _dollars_ richer. Best tip she’d ever got, and that was a dirty innuendo right there.

“Welp… This was nice… I guess I’ll go home then…” But when hot-guy decides it was time to leave, a little happy, but flashing some car-keys…

Penny panicked. _Oh, hell no._ She followed and took the keys, which made hot-guy freeze for a moment, before he turned to her. “That’s theft, girly…” He said, pointing at the keys.

“Ah, no, sorry. You’re _not_ driving like this.” Then it’d totally be her fault when he got himself and/or someone else killed out there…

“Well…” He frowned, swaying a bit on his feet. “You took my money.” He smiled, and he was so obviously drunk.

“Right, uh…”

“So… unless you wanna give me a place to crash, give me my keys.” He smirked, gesturing for the keys.

“Are you… Huh…” Penny then laughed under her breath, realizing he’s _flirting!_ “That could work… Wait here.”

Penny glanced at Bernie, who was giving her a thumbs up. _That’s all she needed, bye!_

Work ‘taken care of’, Penny dragged hot-guy along. “You know what? I _do_ have a place you can crash. How about it?”

He hummed in what seemed to be contentment. “Sure~”

Penny could _almost_ think he planned this. If so, that’s a creative way to hook up. Smooth. She couldn’t hold it against him, if it was the case. “What’s your name, by the way?”

“Alfred. Al’s fine.”

“Really, an old man name?”

“M’dad was an old man. Blame him…”

Laughs. “Alright, Al, let’s go.”

She’s not all that sure how _that_ went.

She knew she drank some more once they got to her apartment, because Al decided to crash on her couch instead…

But Penny ended up falling asleep too, and there was _no_ _fun sleeping together_ tonight…

* * *

Penny had a split-second feeling once she woke up and found the bed empty.

 _Regret._ She grunted, almost swearing that _she went and slept with a stranger–_

But then she remembered that she _didn’t_ actually sleep with the guy she just met at the bar.

_There’s a moment of relief that sweeps over her instead._

Noise.

And someone’s in her kitchen.

Penny frowned, sitting up and looking around with a puzzled frown. She tossed off the blankets – she’s still got all her clothes – and walked out of her room.

She immediately saw the stranger, called Alfred, the guy she met the night before, bacon half-way to his mouth.

“Oh,” Penny stopped, eyes widening. “You’re still here…” She’s unsure how to feel about that…

“Weeeell, you _did_ take my money.” Al grinned a little sheepishly– _oh, perfect teeth–_ “And I was kinda hungry and hungover, so…” He lifted the fork and kept eating, _and he didn't look a bit hungover, considering how much he actually tanked…_ “Hope you don’t mind. I made some for you too, just in case.” He pointed to the stove behind with a thumb.

Penny thought for a second, and then shrugged. _Oh, well._ “Why, aren’t you considerate?” She smiled, accepting the food along with the circumstances.

They didn’t even sleep together last night, but he was being very nice about it, so, it seems that wasn’t quite what he was looking for to begin with?

Maybe he’s gay… _Why are all the hot nice guys gay…?_ Wait, she didn’t know, maybe he was really just being nice… _Argh, stupid brain, what are you doing…?!_

Breakfast was classic bacon and eggs, and it all tasted wonderful. She didn’t even know bacon and eggs could taste so nice!

“Sorry about last night, by the way.” Al began. “I don’t normally give strangers trouble like this.” He tilts his head, still keeping the sheepish, apologetic smile, and _it was a very cute expression._

“Oh, don’t worry ‘bout that.” She settled on the counter next to him to eat. “You’re a fun drunk!” And she got two thousand dollars out of it…!

_Nope, she was not giving that back…_

“I wasn’t _that_ drunk. I could drive.”

“Uh-huh, drive into a light-post, of course.”

“Heey, I’ve done worse.”

“You drunk-drive often…?”

“No, I meant– _other_ things. Hitting a light-post’s not even in my top-100.”

“Trouble-maker, huh?”

“You wouldn’t believe it, girly.”

_Kind of a bad boy, then? He’s kind of her type, huh? He sounds sweet, and he looks really handsome._

“Say, do you live around here?” Penny couldn’t help but ask. She’d think seeing a guy like this anywhere would be so memorable, so maybe he didn’t usually frequent this area.

“Usually, I live in DC, but, uuuh…” Al hesitated with a pinched frown of annoyance. “I guess I’m staying in Cali for a while, then. Escape work for a little bit.”

“Work?”

“Government.” Al drawled and rolled his eyes, as if that explained everything. “Gets so dull and dreary, y’know? Makes you want to chuck lawyers out the window, buuut they’d probably just crawl back like in _The Ring_ to sue you for it.”

Penny’s brows lifted, chewing her bacon. “You a lawyer?”

“Political consultant!” Al spat with a derisive grin. “Although I got a Law Degree, yeah, along with some _other_ stuff…”

_A guy with college-smarts! Not quite what she expected form his looks, but he’s at least not another doctor… Oh, what ‘other stuff’?_

“Oh, what about you?” Al asked suddenly, not giving her the chance to ask.

And it felt like a gut-punch, because now she’s on the spotlight. “I, uh–”

“Waitressing while looking for a big break in Hollywood…?” Al wondered more quietly with a small smile.

She felt judged… “Yeah, actually!”

But Al just hummed at that, it didn’t sound like he was very impressed, although there was no _voiced_ judgment, and Penny didn’t want to sound desperately defensive by accusing him of such…

She felt _very_ judged… Although her internal response was more _embarrassment_ instead of anger…

Because, hey, a DC lawyer/’political consultant’ wouldn’t be very impressed with some random waitress from bumfuck Nebraska trying to be an actress, and failing too… right?

“Well… You _are_ pretty, but it’s a tough market, y’know? Good luck, though…”

And the fact that he found her _pretty_ took a forefront in her mind for some reason. It gave her that old _butterflies in my stomach_ feeling that she hasn’t quite felt since…

_Leonard. And his… stupid… romantic… snowflake from the North Pole in a glass…_

Sounds snapped her out of her spiraling thoughts, and her empty plate is gone. Al was taking the time to wash both for her. “Well, anyway. Thanks for letting me sleep the whiskey off here, miss.” He said, washing everything swiftly.

“Oh, you’re welcome…” She hesitated, watching him move about the room and collecting his jacket from the couch, along with the cap, already wearing his shoes. “Name’s Penny, by the way.”

“Oh, right, sorry,” He grinned. “we both forgot to ask, I guess, hah.”

 _He’s really so damn handsome…_ She bit her lower lip. “So, uhm,”

That made him stop and turn to look at her, brow raised. “Yeah?”

“So… Are you staying around Cali? I mean, around Pasadena?” Good God, why was she so flustered? She sounded like Leonard trying to talk to her…!

“Eeh, sure, I guess.” Al shrugged with a small smile. He pulled something out of the jacket and–

Her eyes widened as he adjusted _glasses_ on his face. _Oh… my… God… He looks even_ ** _cuter!_**

Suddenly, she _really_ wanted him to _stay._

* * *

Leonard had no real _plan_ when he suddenly decided he wanted to invite Penny to see their Lunar Laser Ranging Experiment…

He just… really _kinda_ wanted to show her something cool…

And _also_ maybe just _talk_ to her a little again…

He knew she was still upset about the whole _Dr. Plimpton Incident…_ Because after a few days of reflection and distancing from Penny, Leonard kinda figured that… _maybe…_ Penny would be upset that he was seemingly _over her_ so quickly.

When in fact, he wasn’t, not _at all…_

_‘Stupid, you should have told her that Dr. Plimpton threw herself at you suddenly, what could you have done when a girl is naked in front of you?! Penny would’ve understood…’_

Would she…? _Yes, she would, shut up!_

By the time he’s pretty much deciding against it, his hand had already knocked on her door.

_Ah, shit…_

When Penny opened the door, she looked surprised, and she didn’t open it fully. “Oh, hi. What’s going on?” Of course, she immediately assumed Leonard would have an _actual_ reason for knocking on her door–

 _Say something!_ “Uh. We’re up on the roof, bouncing laser beams off the moon, wanna come?” Leonard spilled rapidly with an awkward grin he couldn’t quite contain.

Penny’s brows went up. “…I’m sorry, what?”

Oh, he needed to explain this now– “I-It’s pretty cool, we’ve got a two-meter parabolic reflector and everything; I thought you might wanna see it…” His voice faded.

Penny was frowning with that confused look she gives him whenever he overexplains things, then–

Noise–

“Wait, wait!” A _gloved_ hand grabbed the door and opens it further. “You shooting lasers at the moon up there?!”

Leonard froze when a grinning face greeted him– _way taller than him, blond, blue-eyes, glasses?_ Oh… He immediately understood.

Penny moved on.

“Uh… yeah.” Leonard choked out awkwardly.

“Oh, cool!”

Penny bounced on the balls of her feet a bit. “Leonard, this is Al. Al, this is Leonard, my neighbor.”

“Nice to meet ‘cha.” And this Al thrust a hand forward to Leonard while leaning an arm around Penny’s shoulder, seemingly utterly oblivious to Leonard’s discomfort. 

“Y-Yeah, hey…” Leonard shook his hand hesitantly, nodding in resignation. _That hand-shake literally hurt his hand a bit…_ “S-Sorry, I didn’t know you were busy. Maybe another time…” And he backed away.

“Yeah–”

“Oh, c’mon, we can go see the laser too, no?” Al interrupted her, stepping out of the apartment, half-way pulling Penny along.

“B-But, what about the party?” Penny tried. Leonard stopped to watch, a little confused.

“Is _anyone_ at the party bouncing _lasers_ off the moon?” Al asked.

“Uh, no, I don’t think so…”

“Then who cares? C’mon, this is _way_ cooler!” Al gestured to the stairs with a grin.

And Penny caved right after. “Well, I guess it’s okay.”

Leonard slowly nodded, still feeling a little awkward. “Okay, well… yeah, come on up.” He pointed to the stairs with his thumb, moving towards it.

They’re right behind as he climbed up the steps. “So, uh, how did you guys meet?” He couldn’t help but ask, hoping he didn’t sound jealous…

“Ah,” Al began. “she robbed me while I was drunk–”

Leonard nearly stopped on his feet.

Penny scoffed with a laugh. “You gambled that money away for more whiskey, you mean.”

“Aaand also deprived me of my car-keys, but she was kind enough to let me crash on her couch for the night, which I’m _very_ thankful for.”

And Penny _giggled._

Oh, damn… Leonard sighed, nodding in further resignation. “That’s nice.”

Once on the roof…

Penny immediately greeted everyone amicably. “Hey, guys, this is my friend Al.”

“Hello.” Sheldon greeted back in his usual neutral tone, while the others echoed the word as well.

Leonard glanced at the guy a little more, seeing him looking around.

“Oh, wow, kickass setup…” Al said. “Where did you guys get this stuff?” He turned back to them with a small amused smirk, eyes narrowed.

“At the university we work at.” Leonard replied right away, unsure of what the man was thinking or implying.

“Cal-Tech?” Al’s brows went up, turning to him and then everyone else.

Howard frowned, turning back to Al. “You know Cal-Tech?”

“Yeah, of course.” Al shrugged.

Penny was still awfully close to him. “You know this experiment?”

“Well, yeah, Lunar Laser Ranging;” He replied as if it were obvious. “we left a mirror of sorts up there on the moon, so now you can shoot a laser and watch it bounce back. It’s like, _definitive_ proof that it wasn’t staged, which is why it’s _so_ cool?” He bounced on his feet in excitement, and it seemingly infected Penny as well. "I wish I had this sort of tech in hand, I spent, like, 15 minutes arguing with a flat-earther a few weeks ago? That was 14 minutes and 59 seconds _too_ long."

She seemed so much more interested than when Leonard went off on _his_ own tangents, but okay… _He’s just surprised this jock-looking guy even knew this stuff,_ and from the looks of it, so were his friends… 

“Actually, funny thing,” Al quietly continued to Penny. “me and some buddies actually tried building this whole setup from scratch a few years ago, but our ‘engineer’” He made air-quotes. “turned out to be _kinda_ high, so the thing literally _exploded_ and we got a fire on campus…”

Leonard frowned while Penny laughed with– “You’re kidding! What’s with you and starting fires?!”

_Wait, what?_

Even Sheldon turned to the two, eyes narrowing suspiciously, Leonard could see the wheels turning.

“Wait a sec, _that_ one wasn’t on me…!”

“On campus– _You_ went to college?” Sheldon actually voiced his disbelief.

The guy looked like a typical jock – glasses aside – and was dating(?) Penny now… Of course Sheldon would assume every partner she got was intellectually deficient, just like he assumed Leonard to be…

Just not quite on the level of those _other_ boyfriends…

“Yeah, Stanford.” Al said with a grin.

Leonard nearly choked on the air he was breathing, and everyone else looked in askance.

Howard almost scoffed in disbelief, taking a hesitant step towards him. “You went to _Stanford?_ For _what?”_

Al blinked at the sudden attention. “Oh, that was Mathematics Ph.D.”

_What the–_

Now Penny gave him a look. “You didn’t tell me _that!”_

“I _told_ you ‘Law and other stuff’. Didn’t want to freak you out.” Al whispered sheepishly. “Nobody likes _math,_ Penny…!”

Then Sheldon shook his head. “You expect me to believe that you, as a teenager, I assume, managed to acquire a _Ph.D._ in just a few short years, and _then_ proceed to get a Law degree in the same college?”

“Actually, the Law one was in Yale, like, two years ago, but I don’t care if you believe me. Your opinion doesn’t really matter.” Al shrugged with a near-mocking grin. “But let me look at the moon a bit? It’s been a while since the last time I saw it up close!” He approached Raj, hands clapping together softly.

And Raj let him because goddamn, the guy is _tall_ and _though-looking._

Raj sighed and went to hide behind Howard. “The good wife…”

They both glanced at Leonard. And Sheldon scoffed in that derisive manner that only he could manage. “Alright, a quick mathematical round is in order then.”

Oh, boy…

Al didn’t seem to be listening, and was muttering. _“Where’s our beautiful flag…? Aaand it’s white.”_ He turned to Penny next to him with a sigh. _“We really oughta go there again, plant a new one; this is getting embarrassing…”_

_“Really? Why is it white?”_

_“Radiation from the sun, no Ozone protection like down here, wore out the colors… So sad.”_

“How about…” Sheldon was tapping his chin. “a simple permutation of 2?”

“Sure, lay it on me.” Al barely spared him a glance and rolls his eyes.

“For the number 7 billion, 410 million, and 111.” Sheldon smirked like the little devil he was.

And Leonard felt some vindication. You shouldn’t _lie_ about these things to a bunch of scientists…

But Al didn’t panic, and only stopped to think. “Hmm…”

Sheldon offered the clipboard. “I have some papers you can try and write some calculations on.” That was pure mockery, naturally.

Penny was glaring at both Sheldon and Leonard like she wanted to beat them up, and she very well could do just that.

_Oh, maybe humiliating her new boyfriend wasn’t a good idea after all…_

Al only raised a finger, still seemingly thinking. Then, after a few seconds, he smirked back to Sheldon, giving him a half-lidded look of pure, tranquil smugness that made him freeze. “That’d be 1 quintillion, 392 quadrillion, 245 trillion, 379 billion, 452 million, 739 thousand, 3 hundred and… 60… 1. You can check, I’m _fairly_ sure I got it right.”

Leonard stared, baffled, then turned to his other friends, also staring. Sheldon was standing still, then– “…Excuse me.” He began scribbling on the clipboard with a frown.

Al smiled at everyone else, and then to Penny. “…Got that Ph.D. for a _reason.”_ He muttered. “Now, what about that laser?”

_Al turned out to be very correct about the number he gave._

**Author's Note:**

> lol
> 
> I guess America just decided to date someone while hiding from work. Honestly, I can keep going. America's character is so fun to toss into any sitcom setting. But I'm just going to leave it as a one-shot and be done with it (unless I feel like writing more one day, who knows).
> 
> Don't say anything about the math. I don't know if it's right at all. I'm terrible at it. :D


End file.
